As we approach the end of 2023, there's one topic I feel compelled to discuss: the problem of 'unwanted help'. Throughout the year, I've repeatedly touched upon this subject in my posts. In our interactions with others, one of the most crucial things to be mindful of is not to impose help that isn’t asked for or appreciated.
Here’s a typical scenario that I often see:
A husband makes a significant decision (like buying a house) without consulting his wife, assuming it’s the best choice for her. When the wife points out that the decision has various issues for her, the husband becomes furious, saying, “I made this decision after careful thought for your benefit, and you just dismiss it!” The wife may argue, “Shouldn’t there have been a discussion, an opportunity to hear my opinion before making such a decision?” to which the husband might respond, “Just listen to what I say.”
This issue is not limited to husband-wife dynamics. It’s the same whether the roles are reversed, or it involves colleagues, superiors and subordinates, or even friends.
The crux of the matter is this: problems often arise from making decisions or judgments about issues involving others without their input. In the given example, the husband might claim that the wife is creating trouble by objecting to his decision. This is a misguided notion. The wife is merely highlighting the issue of not being consulted on matters that also concern her. Furthermore, in this scenario, the husband's attitude—claiming he decided for her benefit and then demanding obedience—is essentially harassment. Let me reiterate, the real issue is proceeding with decisions without consultation, especially in matters that involve others. Voicing one's opinion in such situations is not wrong but should be actively encouraged. If the person who made an arbitrary decision then accuses those who seek consultation of causing trouble or asserts they did it for their benefit, or worse, demands compliance, that is harassment.
Living a long life often involves growing weary of interactions with others. As a result, many people choose to avoid engaging with others. However, considering that society is built on human connections, living might inherently involve relating with others. Therefore, striving for smoother communication seems natural. However, historically, there has been a tendency to hastily resolve issues without discussion or to view objections to unilateral decisions as taboo. But the real problem is making arbitrary decisions on matters involving others and then trying to impose them.
Many might find this bothersome. However, as I’ve mentioned before, "cutting corners only leads to more work." Take a moment to listen to others involved. You might find that your interactions with people become more enjoyable.